


There is a Roadway

by thecheeseburgercat



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bathing/Washing, Cathartic Hugs are the Best Hugs, Lie Low At Lupin's (Harry Potter), M/M, Reconciliation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-08
Updated: 2020-09-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:48:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26363677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thecheeseburgercat/pseuds/thecheeseburgercat
Summary: It is the summer of 1995, and Remus has an unexpected visitor.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 6
Kudos: 41





	There is a Roadway

And in a few days I would be there, love

Whatever here that’s left of me is yours just as it was

The cottage seemed tinier somehow, Remus thought, after having experienced the staff quarters at Hogwarts. Perhaps it was also the effect that came with revisiting a childhood home as an adult. In any case, his living quarters seemed to have shrunk even further with the arrival of one rather mangy and bone-tired Animagus, who had turned up on the doorstep the day before with a hangdog look in his eyes. 

“Well come in then,” Remus had said. “Was just getting round to putting on the tea.”

And Padfoot had padded in, glanced around the cluttered cottage and curled up by the dormant fireplace, immediately falling asleep. 

They found themselves in the same spot the next day. Padfoot’s paws gripped the threadbare rug as he rose to his feet, and he shuffled towards the tiny bathroom. There was a small snick as the door closed. 

“Sirius,” Remus called. “Padfoot! We’re going to need to talk at some point. The cottage isn’t nearly big enough for us to hide from each other.”

An answering clatter of bathroom products and a sharp whine greeted Remus’ ears, and he walked quickly to the closed door. 

“Oh Padfoot,” he said as he opened the door and surveyed the toppled soaps. “Here, let me help you.” Righting the soaps and trying to calm his fluttering heart, Remus leaned back against the counter and looked right into Padfoot’s eyes. Over a year had passed since he had last talked face to face with Sirius, and they had left off with still so much unsaid. Remus’ entire world had shifted and reshuffled itself as the full implications of the truth were made clear, but it also felt as though the world had shifted into finally righting itself. And now, by some miracle, he stood in his parent’s tiny bathroom while Sirius pressed himself into the corner. 

“Sirius, please...I know it’s hard, and I...I don’t even know what there is to say, or where to begin. But we can’t have a conversation unless you change back. So please, Padfoot, change back.”

A silent second passed, and then Padfoot’s form shimmered and grew into lanky limbs, a ragged Sirius Black taking its place. Remus felt a rush of relief, but it died just as soon as it came on when Sirius met his gaze with deadened eyes. 

“Voldemort’s back.” 

And with that, Remus’ world shattered once more.

“...back? Padfoot, what do you mean back?” 

“I mean he’s back. Body and everything. Harry saw him...and Moony, he said he saw Lily and James! How...how is that possible?”

Remus didn’t have an answer for him. His mind was too busy trying to comprehend what Sirius just said, because if it was all true, then he had much bigger things to worry about than getting Sirius to talk to him. He was reminded of the moment Dumbledore pulled the four of them into his office at the end of seventh year, asking them to consider joining his newly formed Order. They had all agreed without a moment’s hesitation, with James speaking for all of them when he said “We’ll be there, Professor. You can count on us.” But now, Remus didn’t feel any of the excitement nor the adrenaline that had gone through his system at those words. Now he just felt dread. 

“Moony? Moony, what are we going to do?” said Sirius, looking so lost that Remus couldn’t help but feel a wave of protectiveness swell over him. 

“I...I don’t know. So we’re going to give you a bath.” 

Sirius blinked. “A...what?”

“A bath, love. I don’t know what to say, or what to do, but I can at least do this. And god knows you need it.” The term of endearment slipped out, and he caught Sirius’ eyes widening before he said “Yeah, that’s probably a good idea.”

So Remus turned to the bathtub, filling it up with hot water that wouldn’t scald, but would hopefully relax Sirius’ tense muscles. Helping him out of his ragged robes Remus guided Sirius to the tub, averting his eyes lest he make Sirius uncomfortable. 

Remus let him soak for a minute before he instructed Sirius to tip his head back, gently cupping some water and pouring it over Sirius’ matted hair. He fought to untangle the long hair for a while before he realized they’d need to take some more drastic action. 

“Pads I’m sorry, but I can’t get my fingers through. Would it be alright if I got the scissors and gave you a cut?”

Still gazing down, Sirius murmured his approval, and so Remus went to fetch the scissors and an old bottle of coconut oil he had laying around. They sat in companionable silence after that, with nothing but the soft snipping of the scissors accompanying them. Remus cut away dark tangles of hair, leaving it just brushing Sirius’ shoulders, the length he always insisted on keeping it back in school. Back then, Remus remembered, Sirius would always come back to Hogwarts shorn in the fall, and he would leave it to grow without interruption all school year long. By the time June rolled around he was always positively shaggy. In their final years at Hogwarts, Remus thought, there had been nothing better than running his hands through Sirius’ silky hair in the sweet June weather. He was determined to try and put it back that way, to retrieve and remember another piece of the boy he loved who had somehow slipped away. 

He slicked the oil through Sirius’ hair and gave it a final rinse. Considering what he had started with, the result wasn’t bad.

“Ok, I’ll leave you to it then. You can call if you need me, I’ll hear you.” Remus said.

“Thanks, Moony. For...for everything.”

Remus nodded and ducked out of the bathroom. He knew he couldn’t stay in there any minute longer. He could feel a rising tide of emotion coming on, and he backed up against a wall and took deep breaths, trying not to break down completely. It was too much, being so close to Sirius after so long. Sirius had always been the most magnetic force in Remus’ life, and with so little to anchor him over the past decade, its return was wreaking havoc on the carefully constructed calm he put up every day. Part of him wanted to yell, wanted to scream out with joy and hug Sirius within an inch of his life. Part of him knew they should take it slow and talk through every last detail, unravelling the cracks in their relationship that had caused it to fail. But oh, how we wanted to pick up where they left off, to fall into those strong arms again. 

Torn, he did what he always did in times of uncertainty. He made yet another pot of tea, setting out the last of his biscuits. Eventually, Sirius called wondering if he could borrow some of Remus’ clothes. Remus quickly sifted through his rather meagre wardrobe, trying to find something vaguely Sirius-sized, and at the very back of his closet, his gaze fell upon an old box. This box hadn’t been touched in twelve years, but Remus sensed it was the right time to open it. With only a moment’s hesitation, he reached forward, dragged it out of the closet, and opened it, sneezing at the ensuing cloud of dust. Peeking inside, he was first assaulted by a wave of hurt, then a wave of strong nostalgia. There were Sirius’ band tees, his favourite records, his small scrapbook of photos, and of course his leather jacket, right on top. Remus let out a sigh and then pulled out a tee, whispering a quick cleaning charm. Gathering a pair of trousers he guessed might fit Sirius, he headed for the bathroom. 

“Here we are…hopefully the trousers fit, and well, I found this,” Remus said, showing Sirius the tee. 

Sirius looked over, and his gaze stopped and grew rather misty. “You kept some of my things? I would have thought for sure…” he trailed off into nothingness, and Remus shook his head. 

“No, I did put them out of sight, and every time I had to move, I did think about it...but I could never bring myself to put them in the rubbish,” he admitted, as Sirius’ eyes stayed locked on the tee. “Well, I’ll just lay them here. I’ll be in the sitting room.” 

Remus left the room and sat down in his sagging armchair, and waited for Sirius to finish up. When he walked cautiously into the sitting room, Remus gestured towards the tea. They got settled, then Remus quietly started speaking. 

“I don’t know what we’re going to do, Pads. I suppose we wait for Dumbledore’s instructions?”

“Call around and get the old Order back in touch,” Sirius said. “That’s what he said, so that’s will have to do.”

“At his beck and call again,” Remus mumbled, and then louder “Alright, we can start on that tonight.”

Another spell of quiet, but this time Remus was determined to break it. 

“So, I’m sure Harry was shaken up. How did he take it?” Remus inquired.

Sirius stared at him for a moment before he went “As well as can be expected. I’m going to keep owling him throughout the summer.”

Remus felt a pang somewhere in his stomach. He really should have kept up communication with Harry over the year, kept tabs on him...well, what was there to do about it now. He could do nothing but try harder in the future. As for now, he had to help Sirius get back on his feet, so that they could both band together and give Harry the support he’d need. And that started with getting everything out in the air with Sirius. 

“I missed you,” he blurted out. 

“You missed me, over the year or over…”

“The whole damn time, Sirius. The whole time. Ever since we parted in London. And I kept kicking myself for it. Because what kind of person misses the murderer of his friends? But I did. And I’m sorry I didn’t miss you enough to try and get you back,” Remus swallowed and looked for Sirius’ reaction. 

“I don’t blame you for leaving me there. What were you to do and how were you to know?” Sirius asked. “I missed you too. Everyday. I can’t remember much from in there...but I remember thinking of you. I could see the moon and I always wondered how you were getting on. I hoped you had found a way to move on.”

“I couldn’t. I tried but I couldn’t- I kept moving around, but it was hard. It was a hard twelve years.”

“Moony, I’m sorry. God, this is all my fault…” Sirius said, and Remus couldn’t bear for him to hold that thought a minute longer.

“No. No, never your fault, Sirius. It was so many people’s faults, but it was never yours. You only did what you thought was right.” 

Sirius’ gaze had gone misty again. Remus let out a sigh. “Come here,” he said, holding out his arms. Sirius collapsed into them and buried his face into Remus’ neck, back heaving as he finally let out the sobs Remus knew he had been holding back. He ran his hands over Sirius’ back, feeling the knobby spine, trying to calm him with small shushes and utterances of “There love, let it out.” He felt tears pricking at his own eyes, and he let them fall, hugging Sirius tighter. Never again, he vowed, never again would he let Sirius shoulder the pressure and the guilt of wartime misunderstandings. In this coming war, he would make every effort to ensure that they talked to each other. No more secrets, at least between the two of them. 

Sirius snuffled and raised his head, their eyes meeting. They got lost there for a minute, and when Sirius asked “Moony...can I kiss you?” Remus answered with “Of course you can,” and their lips met for the first time once more. It felt like coming home.

**Author's Note:**

> Gratuitous Hozier and Wolfstar make such a pairing.
> 
> A big thank you to everyone in the SL Discord who sprinted with me, supported me and gave me the courage to finally post my own work. You're all downright amazing people!


End file.
